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day two   
02:34pm 13/04/2011
 
mood: calm
Day 02 ⇝ Where you'd like to be in 10 years


this question totally eludes me... because baltimore isnt where i want to stay forever, its only easier here because it is like a huge city... me and jeremy were talking about it and of all places he said i was feeling colorado and north carolina... more than likely NC, i cant stand the thought of not being close to virginia... i still cant convince jeremy to move back....





Day 03 ⇝ Your views on drugs and alcohol
Day 04 ⇝ Your views on religion
Day 05 ⇝ A time you thought about ending your own life
Day 06 ⇝ Write 30 interesting facts about yourself
Day 07 ⇝ Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality
Day 08 ⇝ A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life
Day 09 ⇝ How you hope your future will be like
Day 10 ⇝ Discuss your first love and first kiss
Day 11 ⇝ Put your iPod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up
Day 12 ⇝ Bullet your whole day
Day 13 ⇝ Somewhere you'd like to move or visit
Day 14 ⇝ Your earliest memory
Day 15 ⇝ Your favorite Tumblrs
Day 16 ⇝ Your views on mainstream music
Day 17 ⇝ Your highs and lows of this past year
Day 18 ⇝ Your beliefs
Day 19 ⇝ Disrespecting your parents
Day 20 ⇝ How important you think education is
Day 21 ⇝ One of your favorite shows
Day 22 ⇝ How have you changed in the past 2 years
Day 23 ⇝ Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous you find attractive
Day 24 ⇝ Your favorite movie and what it's about
Day 25 ⇝ Someone who fascinates you and why
Day 26 ⇝ What kind of person attracts you
Day 27 ⇝ A problem that you have had
Day 28 ⇝ Something that you miss
Day 29 ⇝ Goals for the next 30 days
Day 30 ⇝ Your highs and lows of this month
 
     
2 Spankin's!|Bend over
 
Day one [[thanks danielle!!!!! <3]]   
11:19pm 12/04/2011
 
mood: loved
Day 01 ⇝ Your current relationship.
wow, this is quite a chunk of something, writing this was almost as good as reliving it.. he means a great deal to me, and all that i waited for and went through to be with him was all worth it..





WOW, we're married... <3 but we've known each other for 6 years now... the funniest part about me and him meeting is that hes 7 years older than me.... so when we met i was 15, and he was 22... so as much as we really digged each other right off the bat he [[regretfully!!!]] told me no... well 2 years after that madre started working at olde liberty station.. where jeremy cooked, lol... once when he was working at walmart, i lost my wallet at the store, he totally saw us, and gave it back... cause you know, its bedford walmart... LOL.. i ALWAYS made mom go through his line no matter how many people he had... and her being a entertainment gossip fanatic, she wouldnt care at check out... lol.
oh wow, liberty station, it was just the greatest inside joke kept by my family, hed ask my mom about me all the time, apparently making the kitchen laugh with his interesting karaoke impression of shes only 17... and crazy dumb stuff like that..

but me, being possibly the most crazy unstable neurotic idiot in the state of existance... well 18 was bitter, and stupid, i had to travel to different states, learning different things i s'pose.... Roanoke is where we found each other again... but i was in this crazy fucking abusive relationship, with this guy like 20 years older than me... i went to the public library downtown and jeremy came by at my request... he hung out with me all day, and we were realizing how much we just really enjoyed being around each other

just as jeremy was about to leave said abusive bf shows up and sees me taking my bookbag out of jeremys car... for that i am almost choked out in elm park.... recuperating at my aunts house, i ask my madres advice, and of course she encourages me :D jeremy to this very day has the very first note i ever wrote him, its very sweet...

that fateful day i was at the library with AJ, a very good friend of mine... and he saw me blowin up jerms page reading all his blogs and commenting them... he was very encouraging as well... suddenly i just knew i had to find him that very second... AJ asked why.. all i could say was if i look into his eyes, i'll know.... if that wasnt sappy and cute enough, we suddenly spring into action. we go outside the library to find someones cell i could borrow.. i had one of jeremys roommates numbers so i call it... sadly the roommate is outta town, sympathetically, he gives me the other roommates number... i call it and HES outta town too..... even more sympathetically than the first, this roommate tells me the name of the appartment complex and room number.. scrawling this on my arm, me and AJ decide out next stop is the bus station like 5-6ish blocks from the market downtown, i needed some maps!! and pronto. when we got to the bus station i start eyeing the maps and realize my greatest obstacle is 581... i gather more maps and decide what the best route is, i didnt notice AJ slippin off from the bus station

by then i had semicaulculated the distance and it was a decent 10 miles... one of my female friends from downtown roanoke suggested panhandling for bus fare, since 10 miles is nothing on a bus..... well no sooner than a ciggerette and 50 cents later, who is AJ walking back with but jeremy himself...

apparently when i had gotten offline and starting calling his out of town roommates; he had gotten online and saw my impressive myspace blow up [HAHAHAHA] left himself logged in, and came downtown... something very few people know about me and jeremy is neither of the two of us asked the other out.. after walking up to me with AJ 3 steps behind him he grabbed my hand and thats all it was. weve known from walmart, and liberty station we were a longtime coming so we felt no words were needed. we both consider 09 09 08 when we got together.... like 2 months later i asked him what made him come downtown... his response? "i couldnt miss this for anything!"

He is the sweetest, most loving, and supportive partner i could ever ask for... and i couldnt be more thankful for our family <3
 
     
Bend over
 
   
02:43pm 11/04/2011
  Totally got some major grocery shopping out of the way. Its jeremys day off! And korbin got to enjoy the nice weather today too!!

But the thing that pissed me off today, the thing that made me see red, is some people on our block.. No sooner than we stepped out the door one of our neighbors had the bright idea of unbuckling him from his stroller.

Now I object on general principles, but jeremy says nothing as said neighbor pleads as she takes him out his stroller anyway.. Needless to say poor little K started to cry.. He cried for 5 blocks, I was pissed for like 10.. I hate ignorant people.

Posted via LjBeetle
 
     
Bend over
 
   
12:42am 06/04/2011
 
mood: loved
Korbins been staying up longer now!! hes 11 weeks <3 he can stay up usually 2-3 hours at a time and its so fun to hang out with little man.. he was born as dark as i am, lookin exactly like jeremy and nearly 3 months later, hes as light as jeremy and starting to favor me a whole lot more... XD i can easily understand the types who dont talk about anything but their kids, i think im becoming one of them... i think he is more interesting than any video game or movie ever made, everything he does is just amazing and perfect to me.

jeremy just got home, listenin to wfuckoffradio <3 pyschopathic records <3
and i no longer feel like blogging- its been 14 hours since ive seen him last.
 
     
Bend over
 
RIP Kurt   
07:05am 05/04/2011
  Yeah, its been 17 years.

Jeremy has to be up in an hour, so i'm stay up and being his personal alarm clock... I havent been able to sleep very good lately.. Ive had 10 mayybe 12 hours of sleep in the past 3 or 4 days...

Posted via LjBeetle
 
     
Bend over
 
Thank god    
07:48pm 04/04/2011
 
mood: Great, mm chicken
Madre came around like a week ago. And crazy enough, jess moved back in! Im glad things are back to normal.. Thats one thing that will never change about my family. We are great at pretending shit didnt happen.

Its great having jeremy home on his day off. I played needy wife today so the first time in over a week we've had the house to ourselves at the same time.

My how time has flown, though we have 7 more months of newlywed-ness, the thought of us being married feels as comfortable as a loved pair of sneakers.. Im doing this from our droid, so u guys will get more when im on the laptop

Posted via LjBeetle
 
     
Bend over
 
Lj made an android app??   
08:24pm 09/03/2011
  Yeah, its called ljbeetle. Pretty sweet. Id still rather update via pc, but this is cool.

Posted via LjBeetle
 
     
Bend over
 
Phone update!   
10:38am 01/03/2011
 
mood: drained
Android phones rock. Havent spoken to madre since friday. Shes on some petty shit for real. Why is she taking not talking to her late mother out on me and jess?"
I mean, I loved grandma jo too. But instead of shutting loved ones off, I have a lovely framed picture of her in the nursery. I let her memory fill me with love. I pour all of that love into my son and husband, both which she never got to meet.
Maybe Grandma jo, though no longer with us, could help me with madre.
 
     
Bend over
 
Writer's Block: Truth or dare   
09:21am 01/03/2011
 
mood: calm
What is the craziest dare you have ever taken?


Ive snorted ciggerette ash, a retaliation from my then boyfriend, now husband, for daring him to snort salt.
 
     
2 Spankin's!|Bend over
 
oh, almost forgot, heres me and jessies reply to madres bullshit.   
11:00am 28/02/2011
 
mood: anxious
Daddy actually had the balls to tell us not to talk to our mother like we did... i dont know what madres been telling him, but after what she said, our responses make sense... =/ i cant believe she said jess was a mooch, after i invited her up here... shes VISITING... i would give all i have to jess, cause shes blood.


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Jacqui Johnson
um we get almost 600 dollars in food stamps alone.. so im not worried about food.. korbin has enough diapers to last two months people bring em by and what not on top of us getting them for him.. plus you know jeremy has this thing called a... job.....
quit trying to live out your failed dream of college in your kids.. life happens and college isnt for everyone...
are you really going to alienate your children this soon after your mothers death?
and she has been trying to call you all week... what negligent mother has been ignoring her second born all week? IVE been trying to call and you too and while you pick up for me its not often this week...

YOU LIED. you never called me for daddys birthday.

you are not being unconditional love. which is practically required for mothers. how am i going to let you around korbin with all your hate and spite. yeah madre i wont call you all week. it might be longer than that.. i will confer with grandma donna and rachel you dont need to come

leave your hateful spiteful jealous angry drunk ass in VA. cause i dont need you if you are going to treat family like that.See More
Friday at 1:27am · LikeUnlike
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Jacqui Johnson
and as far as jess mooching? PLEASE. I'll feed my sister if she needed or not... back when we were younger and we got the rare 20 bucks, who took us out to lunch? who bought rachel shoes b/c she wanted?
JESS

when the station burned down, and... jess got 700 dollars... who got 500 of it? YOU DID.

you are selfish and self absorbed. get over yourself.... i defend you always when people say what a bitch you are... i just cant this time...

you protect and love and support your immediate family ALWAYS no matter what.. when you understand this, then you can talk to me, then you will be welcome in baltimore.See More
Friday at 1:40am · LikeUnlike
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Jessica Leigh Beard
I can't explain to you how much this hurt mom...I don't know what I did to receive so much hate from you. I'm doing the best that I can with what I have, and at this point you need to let me figure things out for myself. I don't appreciate ...the way that you insinuate that I don't know what life is like because I am young and "care free." You do not know the extent of what I have gone through in the last six months let alone the last six years, so please, do not tell me I don't know how hard life is.

I have been trying to call you for weeks. You've maybe picked up the phone once for me. I have left messages with dad and Rach asking you to call me back, but you never did. I have left several voicemails and asked you myself to call me back. You NEVER did. So don't go blaming us because you feel as if we aren't talking to you enough. Communication is a two way street, and you have to make time in your life to talk to us, like we do for you.

I'm sorry that I'm a failure. I am well aware that I am and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about it. I'm also well aware that without a job I am like a leech, I don't need you to point out how much I suck...I already know.

As for the swing at my partner, the MAN I love, that was uncalled for. You and Daddy taught us to have an open mind and follow our hearts and for that I thank you with all of my being. And yes, I am a part of a poly-amorous relationship but that is my business. At this point in my life, as my mother, all you need to do is love and support me emotionally. That's all I'm asking for.

This is the last time I feel I will tell you this: I AM NOT JULIUS. I hate that man with a fiery passion, and I do not appreciate you comparing me to that sack of shit.

I love you mom. I will talk to you whenever you feel that you can talk to me, just please if you have a problem with me, message me.See More
Friday at 2:41am · Like
 
     
Bend over
 
undeserving, and unworthy?   
12:29pm 25/02/2011
 
mood: sad
sorry about the last two entries, but that is raw truth... madre declared state of falling out and me being dead because i brought me little sister up here..

mommas mad because she cant dictates how jess lives her life.. which is stupid and petty.. i dealt with this hate and anger from madre when *I* was 18.. so its jessies turn.. why she took it out on me with how close we are.. and how much i love that crazy woman, i dont know

having korbin has filled me with so much love that i have to keep telling myself its all real... right now he is one month and one week... hes getting great at lifting his head, and he hates tummytime so much he'll even on occasion roll from back to stomach [[early for his age!! <3]] but he cant walk, or crawl... hell, he cant even sit up on his own. and its my job to make sure hes "happy, healthy, and safe" [[a quote my madre said often]] i am a mother, its my job to help him grow...

with that being said, i am also a daughter.. while i can walk just fine and handle me, im am not yet done growing. i never will be. thats the whole point of existence, i do think. my madre has four kids, so that is four growing souls.

when souls hit 18, they dont just stop needing love, support, and care. in fact, they might need it more than ever... a world bigger than just the town you went to high school in, immediately becomes possible to get lost in.

What is this world coming to?
 
     
Bend over
 
   
10:34am 25/02/2011
  Remove Post
Jacqui Johnson
‎"I've turned on myself, multiple times. What more do my undeserving children want?" -drunk mother
"You to pick up your phone"- second born
"I didnt know i was undeserving" -first born
8 hours ago · LikeUnlike · · View Feedback (6)Hide Feedback (6)

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Penny Beard I don't pick up the phone because both of you are blah blah blah bullshit unworthy happenstances of SPERM DONOR. Oh Yeah. Homeless roaming dove that got prego and Hollins failure......and Daddy felt sorry for y'all in '94....neither of you have done shit but piss away chances. Korbin's Patty's thing now. I don't care. In the end when nobody's at my funeral...I WON'T CARE!!!!! DUHHH, I'll BE DEAD! How's that for drunk Momma?
7 hours ago · LikeUnlike
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Penny Beard don't bother responding. you're dead too.
7 hours ago · LikeUnlike
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Marina Kay Walton Um. Let's put the dirty laundry in the basket where it belongs- shall we? ♥
7 hours ago · LikeUnlike · 1 personLoading...
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Penny Beard all of you. Bifffle , dead chick, have a nice ride back, eh?
7 hours ago · LikeUnlike
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Penny Beard Dis-friending you
 
     
Bend over
 
   
02:00am 25/02/2011
 
mood: bitchy
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Penny Beard Your little sister is a leech like Julius....she's copying his steps like perfect Juilus i-had-a a paid-scholarship-to-West Chester University-and-i-fucked-it-up-by-partying-with-Penny-and-other-people.......don't hafta-pay-for-my-shit-ways...cause i'm black n do dishes.......yeah. I'm a pissed off Mom
2 hours ago · LikeUnlike
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Penny Beard and i'm pissed off Korbin money was spent on her train ticket.
2 hours ago · LikeUnlike
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Penny Beard so don't speak to me till after they're gone, k?
2 hours ago · LikeUnlike
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Penny Beard get angry with me. dont give a heck.......*venom @ the one who deserves it cause they too black ass lazy to get a job*
2 hours ago · LikeUnlike
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Penny Beard Jess_ call Julius....see what he had lined up in his 20s, 30s while you in Julius-friendly country of Jacqui, eh?
2 hours ago · LikeUnlike
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Penny Beard can the rest of my peeps tell how upset I am??????
2 hours ago · LikeUnlike
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Penny Beard I wish to God on my life I could just up and go to Baltimore on a ticket pre-paid for me, no worries, no responsibilities......but my life sucks eggs and I hafta be accountable for GOING TO WORK everyday....yeah. The REAL world is harsh.
2 hours ago · LikeUnlike
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Mark Rogers Mmmm....eggs.....
2 hours ago · LikeUnlike
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Penny Beard Hello? Is there not any other WORKING peep that doesn't understand? I'll be the beech mom alone if need be......but yeah? Shouldn't Korbin have more diapers; Jacqui, better food for the money?
about an hour ago · LikeUnlike
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Penny Beard Mark, ilu :)
about an hour ago · LikeUnlike · 1 personLoading...
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Penny Beard be glad you didn't have kids, yo...
about an hour ago · LikeUnlike
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Penny Beard Girls, don't call me at all this week
about an hour ago · LikeUnlike
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Mark Rogers I just felt like this thread needed some levity. Or more eggs. Now I kinda want an omelet.
about an hour ago · LikeUnlike
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Penny Beard like western omelet?
15 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
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Jacqui Johnson
um we get almost 600 dollars in food stamps alone.. so im not worried about food.. korbin has enough diapers to last two months people bring em by and what not on top of us getting them for him.. plus you know jeremy has this thing called a... job.....
quit trying to live out your failed dream of college in your kids.. life happens and college isnt for everyone...
are you really going to alienate your children this soon after your mothers death?
and she has been trying to call you all week... what negligent mother has been ignoring her second born all week? IVE been trying to call and you too and while you pick up for me its not often this week...

YOU LIED. you never called me for daddys birthday.

you are not being unconditional love. which is practically required for mothers. how am i going to let you around korbin with all your hate and spite. yeah madre i wont call you all week. it might be longer than that.. i will confer with grandma donna and rachel you dont need to come

leave your hateful spiteful jealous angry drunk ass in VA. cause i dont need you if you are going to treat family like that.See More
15 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
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Jacqui Johnson
and as far as jess mooching? PLEASE. I'll feed my sister if she needed or not... back when we were younger and we got the rare 20 bucks, who took us out to lunch? who bought rachel shoes b/c she wanted?
JESS

when the station burned down, and... jess got 700 dollars... who got 500 of it? YOU DID.

you are selfish and self absorbed. get over yourself.... i defend you always when people say what a bitch you are... i just cant this time...

you protect and love and support your immediate family ALWAYS no matter what.. when you understand this, then you can talk to me, then you will be welcome in baltimore.See More
2 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
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Penny Beard ever so giving, ever so much more loving than me.....have a great time, yesh?! ttyl...
 
     
Bend over
 
21 days to make a habit?   
09:20am 22/02/2011
 
mood: calm
Well, this journal spans 2005, to 2011.. but in some places its few an far between... well even if its just two mundane sentences, i want to post daily again...

Facebook has been a form of support for me, i miss VA so terribly... I mean i love baltimore, but i miss the appalachian mountians, ESPECIALLY the peaks of otter... what i wouldnt give to climb sharptop again..

Peoples paths who cross yours briefly are the ones you miss the most.. briefly to me now could be a couple years.. but it isnt enough.. things change so quickly, im just glad lately its been for the better.
 
     
Bend over
 
   
11:05pm 16/02/2011
 
mood: contemplative
Getting married and having a kid can really change the way a person thinks.... thinking about how crazy I was for running away from everything. georgia, west virginia, all of that for what? Roanoke destroying and saving me all at the same time.... All the 'eras' in my life i refer to them by the places ive been. Baltimore is by far the craziest place i've been.. but so much good has happened-- that it cancels out the crazy. I'm going to try to grab a couple zzz's. Having a newborn is hard work... but it is worth every second.
 
     
Bend over
 
housing appointment   
03:32am 14/01/2010
 
mood: accomplished
is tomorrow along with my doctors appointment, so friday is busy for me, then saturday im attending a shadow meeting.... I GOT MY ID<333
 
     
4 Spankin's!|Bend over
 
media VS the city of baltimore   
12:01pm 30/12/2009
 
mood: accomplished

Getting the media [[newspaper, television]] involved in the shut down of under 83 [[Bridge County]] was a pretty sharp move of mine. I say this only because now the people responsible for kicking us out, have to say what they mean and mean what they say... Sure me and my boyfriend have a basement to crash, with really cool friends, but there is still a dozen people down there under the bridge. Some that have been looked over, many a time.

Greg Sileo the City council member is coming back to E Madison and Guilford around 3 pm this afternoon. Apparently, the new date for kicking everybody out is next Monday, January 4th. I will be in contact with you guys as soon as I know more.

Kind Regards,
Jacqui Beard
Pretteh.kitteh@yahoo.com


 
     
Bend over
 
SNOW   
12:08pm 19/12/2009
 
mood: cold
they are calling for 27 inches of this... it already comes up half past my shins.... im keeping warm believe me, and damn its really setting in how close Christmas it is.
 
     
Bend over
 
Baltimore, maryland.   
06:02pm 17/12/2009
 
mood: crazy
my new home... for now.... we want to save up a bit here, way better than bedford.... California is a year away, and i cant be more stoked.
all i need is my birth certificate and im set

i lost my glasses in july but i get my next pair the first week of january... i swear im getting ear straps for those bitches...

oh, and i was 'labled' with anxiety disorder, along with the bipolar they gave me in virginia. to hell with it... i dont like taking medicine, but its been leveling me out.... why not.

i rode light rail the other day for the first time... if the subway fucked a trolley, then light rail would show up 9 months later..... yeah.... public transportation rocks... ive got a permanent disability pass, so an all day pass for me is 1.20 for me.... whooohooo...

i feel the hell out of kurt cobain now, this bridge bullshit is crazy--- the section 8 people came to us and me and jeremy told a little white... that we are engaged--- his exact words about it:

"lol,it aint outa the question,just i aint in a rush"

so yeah, at least we'll get our appartment together

i need to get back in the swing of things...... i hope this was a respectable post.
hollllerrr<3333
 
     
Bend over
 
hey folks...   
11:41pm 30/07/2009
 
mood: calm
yeah, got my own place now its pretty awesome after the crazy two years ive been through----

OMFG next week i am going to Illinois to go to the gathering of the juggalos..... [[if you dont know what the GOTJ is google it]] i am so pschyed... cant wait to see ICP, Twiztid, Dark Lotus, Kottonmouth Kings
lots of concerts lots of ninjas... jeremys already been to four..... i finally get feel the awesomeness of the gathering....

me and jeremys 11 months is on the ninth... which makes our year 09.09.09
ive learned alot
life goes on.
 
     
2 Spankin's!|Bend over